I'm going back to revisit an old character, Deb, the woman who couldn't figure out the futuristic birth-date (she's listed under It's painful somedays & Justifiable I say)...
I had recently made a trip back to the old stomping grounds and inevitably someone brought her up, giving us a good laugh and reminding me about a few more incidents with her.
1) On her first closing on a weekend (alone), one of the senior girls left her cell number in case of emergencies. Sparky was out at supper with her boyfriend and her family when her cell goes off. Slightly embarrassed to have to leave the table to take the call from work, which she will almost instantly regret.
Deb was finishing up the items on the check list, when she became stumped by something, not on the checklist but in her mind must be completed. So she called Sparky (see Justifiable I say for history on these two) and asked, "How do you turn off the fridge?"
Sparky, speechless at first, finally found her voice and asked, "Did you just ask how you turn off the fridge?"
Deb says "Yes, and I can't find the On/Off switch..."
So Sparky replied with, "Do you turn off your fridge at home??" (- If so this might explain a thing or two)
Deb said, "Well no, of course not..."
"Then why would you turn off the fridges at work?!" was the reply.
2) Part of our job at this workplace was to do Data Entry, however because of shift changes, breaks, work flow, etc sometimes we are short on computer spaces. We emphasize that people must log off on breaks and not lock their computers, as this shorts us a station that can be used when busy.
Deb was especially notorious for locking her computer, much to our annoyance. It didn't seem to matter how many times we reminded her not too. One day, fed up, I decided to shut off her computer completely instead of restarting it. When she returned from break, Deb shook her mouse. When the screen did not "wake", she tried again. Nothing. She pulled the monitor towards herself, looked behind it, baffled, she moved the screen back. Completely stumped, she moved to another computer and signs in. All the while looking very puzzled at computer that was turned off.
I then took delightful pleasure in sitting down at the computer and firing it up as she watched, mystified.
3) We had one male co-worker in particular who disliked Deb on an atomic level. It was basically built into his DNA to hate her. Really it was... didn't help that she seemed to have a slight boy-crush on him and constantly tried to talk to him.
One day he made opinion clear, she came in for her shift and sat next to him. He promptly signed off the computer he was logged on and moved across the room.
4) After a particularly trying week with Deb, her constantly asking the same question over and over, and after explaining a simple concept in 100 different ways and her not grasping it, I was exhausted and frustrated. The last day I was grateful for my break and a few of us went upstairs to the cafeteria. I was sitting at our table, waiting for everyone who was buying there lunch, when Deb, plopped down across from me. This wasn't her break time, I guess she decided she wanted to go with our group, regardless of the schedule (because of course why should that apply to her?!).
She then started to go on and on about something, I was getting to the point of actually being angry, as it was my break time, and really didn't want to have to be inundated it idiotic conversation as I was eating too, bad enough we were bombarded daily for hours during work.
Deb noticed that I was not really responding and was rubbing my head. She finally asked if I was ok. I said no, you are giving me a headache with all your talking (yes that might seem mean, but I had spent 1 1/2 years working with this woman who still couldn't do the simplest task correctly and who's conversation was as interesting as a stale piece of bread).
She finally trailed off on talking... and that was the last lunch she ever ate with me. I got a large following of people on my breaks from them on, everyone who wanted to avoid her chatter.
5) We were having one of our drawn out meetings one day. You know the type, where you're told, "You guys are doing a GREAT job.... now here's a list of 100 things you've done wrong (as policies/protocols were changed without us being told)".
Most of us find ways to amuse ourselves during these meetings as the Supervisor drones on and on about something that could have been summarized in 5 minutes (I know as I acted as Team Leader on occasion and ran the meetings during those times).
This particular day, we were especially lucky to have our Manager pay a visit as well, so we got an especially long winded version of all the "wrong doings" (in this case it was the Manager/Supervisor having no clue about what we actually do or how it was done). I was fascinated at how the Manager (a female) seemed to lean towards wearing an Alpine scented perfume. Smelled like a rotting Xmas tree had barfed on her. Also she seemed to be hovering over the floor somehow. Her pants were straight down, covering all aspects of her shoes, giving a her a slightly demonic floating look.
Finally I realized I had been staring for awhile at her floating feet and decided to look else where. What a mistake!!!
I happened to look up at Deb, who had the worst case of Camel Toe that I have ever seen on a person... I actually jumped when I noticed. At which points set off more than a few giggles around me, as everyone had already noticed and they were all waiting for my reaction.
It was like staring at a train wreck and not being able to look away.
And here is a reference for all of those who do not know what Camel Toe is, please refer to the first photo on this link, not the animal reference:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camel_toe
Just envision it 10 times worse and in jeans. Erkel type, faded almost to white jeans.
Monday, March 12, 2012
The Itsy Bitsy Spider
We were having our typical girl's night, preparing to watch yet another Horror flick. When one of Pinks saw a spider on the ottoman. Being the kind, nature loving person that I am, I brushed the spider on to my hand and moved to go to the back door and set the little guy free.
Instantly the other Pink starts yelling, "Spinder, where? Where?!" Hopping up and down on her feet, her large dog immediately getting excited and barking. The Pink who saw the spider however, launches off the couch beside where I had been sitting, literally jumping on top of Purple who was sitting in a chair beside us.
But during this jump, she kicks the ottoman into me, almost knocking me to the floor and successfully caused me to drop the spider.
Mini hysterics ensued for another 5 mins.
The offending spider was all the size of the tip of a felt pen. I'm sure a sneeze could have squished it.
Funnily enough, none of the girls were freaked out by the Ladybug infestation in the bathroom, where easily 10 Ladybugs were seen at any given moment.
I guess looks do matter in some cases...
Instantly the other Pink starts yelling, "Spinder, where? Where?!" Hopping up and down on her feet, her large dog immediately getting excited and barking. The Pink who saw the spider however, launches off the couch beside where I had been sitting, literally jumping on top of Purple who was sitting in a chair beside us.
But during this jump, she kicks the ottoman into me, almost knocking me to the floor and successfully caused me to drop the spider.
Mini hysterics ensued for another 5 mins.
The offending spider was all the size of the tip of a felt pen. I'm sure a sneeze could have squished it.
Funnily enough, none of the girls were freaked out by the Ladybug infestation in the bathroom, where easily 10 Ladybugs were seen at any given moment.
I guess looks do matter in some cases...
Invisible Days
I'm sure you've had a day where you've felt invisible, everyone does at some point.
I was having an especially invisible day, where I narrowly missed two nasty accidents on the highway with people merging into my lane, completely cutting me off. Considering where I live, this is more of a norm than not. I didn't think much of it at first.
But once I got to work, I was walking into the building behind someone, a stranger, who looked briefly behind themselves right at me and let the door slam behind them anyway. No apologizes to me either or even acknowledgement that I swiped in behind them.
Annoying, but again, just brushed it off. But later that morning when I had no less than 3 people bump into me while walking into a hallway, I started to get paranoid. I'm not a large person by any means nor were they. You'd have to go out of your way to run into me in that space... or just not see me.
The coat of invisibility continued as at lunch one of my gfs walked right by as she was looking for me and didn't even hear me when I called her name at first. Apparently cloak was getting more powerful as in it was making me unheard as well.
The final straw was in the bathroom when I went to wash my hands at the automatic sinks. It took 2 sinks before one "saw me" and I was able to get running water. I checked to make sure I still had a reflection, just in case.
I was having an especially invisible day, where I narrowly missed two nasty accidents on the highway with people merging into my lane, completely cutting me off. Considering where I live, this is more of a norm than not. I didn't think much of it at first.
But once I got to work, I was walking into the building behind someone, a stranger, who looked briefly behind themselves right at me and let the door slam behind them anyway. No apologizes to me either or even acknowledgement that I swiped in behind them.
Annoying, but again, just brushed it off. But later that morning when I had no less than 3 people bump into me while walking into a hallway, I started to get paranoid. I'm not a large person by any means nor were they. You'd have to go out of your way to run into me in that space... or just not see me.
The coat of invisibility continued as at lunch one of my gfs walked right by as she was looking for me and didn't even hear me when I called her name at first. Apparently cloak was getting more powerful as in it was making me unheard as well.
The final straw was in the bathroom when I went to wash my hands at the automatic sinks. It took 2 sinks before one "saw me" and I was able to get running water. I checked to make sure I still had a reflection, just in case.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Nails are the new dust bunny.
I've had an ongoing gross-ination with people and their finger/toe-nail etiquette.
First off, I do not understand guys who wear their fingernails long, maybe in other countries this is considered attractive, but here, it just looks gross when a guy's nails are longer than most women's. When you are capable of getting french tips, that's a hint it's time to trim.
Even with girls I have a hard time sometimes, when you have to awkwardly arch your fingers to try and type or you can't pick up a simple dime from the counter, maybe you are a bit extreme. And how does that feel comfortable? Don't you get annoyed that you can't type like a normal person? How do you not injure yourself doing normal daily tasks?
But this aside, it's how people take care of their nails that is baffling. Case in point, I just returned from the women's washroom where I discovered someone had obviously been trimming their talons in the stall, as they left their DNA all over the toilet paper roll dispenser. Never thought I should have to worry about sitting down on a fingernail.
My friends have come across more cases, the Pinks to be exact each have had issues. One girl while sitting at her desk reviewing a document had her cube-neighbour trimming her claws, when one bounced over onto her papers. Luckily she was able to bit back the yelp of surprise and dumped the offending object off into her garbage.
The other Pink on her first week of her new job walked by a cube only to witness something elbow deep in toe-jam trimming off her toenails at her desk. No one needs to smell you with your socks off working on that ingrown nail you should have taken care of at home.
Yet another friend had a person beside her on the city bus trimming away. She ended up moving so she wouldn't get nail clippings in her purse. Women have enough stuff in there as it is, we don't need to cart around someone else's cast offs.
There is a time and a place for these things and at work, or on public transportation isn't one of them. Sure if you've broken a nail, I can understand a patch up is necessary, nothing worse then a nail snagging everything around you, but that's only the extent is should go to.
First off, I do not understand guys who wear their fingernails long, maybe in other countries this is considered attractive, but here, it just looks gross when a guy's nails are longer than most women's. When you are capable of getting french tips, that's a hint it's time to trim.
Even with girls I have a hard time sometimes, when you have to awkwardly arch your fingers to try and type or you can't pick up a simple dime from the counter, maybe you are a bit extreme. And how does that feel comfortable? Don't you get annoyed that you can't type like a normal person? How do you not injure yourself doing normal daily tasks?
But this aside, it's how people take care of their nails that is baffling. Case in point, I just returned from the women's washroom where I discovered someone had obviously been trimming their talons in the stall, as they left their DNA all over the toilet paper roll dispenser. Never thought I should have to worry about sitting down on a fingernail.
My friends have come across more cases, the Pinks to be exact each have had issues. One girl while sitting at her desk reviewing a document had her cube-neighbour trimming her claws, when one bounced over onto her papers. Luckily she was able to bit back the yelp of surprise and dumped the offending object off into her garbage.
The other Pink on her first week of her new job walked by a cube only to witness something elbow deep in toe-jam trimming off her toenails at her desk. No one needs to smell you with your socks off working on that ingrown nail you should have taken care of at home.
Yet another friend had a person beside her on the city bus trimming away. She ended up moving so she wouldn't get nail clippings in her purse. Women have enough stuff in there as it is, we don't need to cart around someone else's cast offs.
There is a time and a place for these things and at work, or on public transportation isn't one of them. Sure if you've broken a nail, I can understand a patch up is necessary, nothing worse then a nail snagging everything around you, but that's only the extent is should go to.
Friday, December 16, 2011
The Art of Listening
So my little work/lunch group of friends had decided to do a Secret Santa lunch. This way someone doesn't show up with gifts for everyone and one of us then feel like a chump for not having bought something.
I had in fact already bought everyone cheap movie passes, but those will be tucked away for another time.
So we drew names and decided on a limit... Or should I rephrase to minimum. Somehow one of the Pinks decided that we needed to spend min $20. Reasonable but we can just go up from there... Of course she is the name I draw, the Pink with the most expensive taste (to give an idea she owns a real Louis Vutton wallet). And her favorite "colour"... Black. This was not going to be easy.
In the meantime Purple and I have dropped a couple of ideas at the lunch for ourselves. I also remarked that I don't really enjoy Lindor chocolates (as they came with my meal).
Anyway after a lot of search I finally settled on knitting a scarf for Pink and getting a Starbucks tea gift for her.
But this week the other Pink came to my desk and let it slip that Pricey Pink had asked her for advice on the gift she needs to buy...
I'm like, ok you do realize I now know who everyone has right? - only 4 of us doesn't take much to figure it out.
She had a bit of a d'oh moment with that. I did ask Purple if she needed help with her person (figured cat was out of the bag at this point). But I didn't realize that saying Pricey Pink asking for help on her would be a bit of a sensitive topic.
Wasn't thinking, Purple had an excellent point though, she had given ideas and if you did listen you'd have an idea of what to get her (I know I had wanted to draw her name). I could understand why she felt upset as she had made a point of dropping hints.
But this morning, funnily enough Purple gave me a gift prior to our lunch, I felt bad I did not get her anything... And it was Lindor chocolates.
I had in fact already bought everyone cheap movie passes, but those will be tucked away for another time.
So we drew names and decided on a limit... Or should I rephrase to minimum. Somehow one of the Pinks decided that we needed to spend min $20. Reasonable but we can just go up from there... Of course she is the name I draw, the Pink with the most expensive taste (to give an idea she owns a real Louis Vutton wallet). And her favorite "colour"... Black. This was not going to be easy.
In the meantime Purple and I have dropped a couple of ideas at the lunch for ourselves. I also remarked that I don't really enjoy Lindor chocolates (as they came with my meal).
Anyway after a lot of search I finally settled on knitting a scarf for Pink and getting a Starbucks tea gift for her.
But this week the other Pink came to my desk and let it slip that Pricey Pink had asked her for advice on the gift she needs to buy...
I'm like, ok you do realize I now know who everyone has right? - only 4 of us doesn't take much to figure it out.
She had a bit of a d'oh moment with that. I did ask Purple if she needed help with her person (figured cat was out of the bag at this point). But I didn't realize that saying Pricey Pink asking for help on her would be a bit of a sensitive topic.
Wasn't thinking, Purple had an excellent point though, she had given ideas and if you did listen you'd have an idea of what to get her (I know I had wanted to draw her name). I could understand why she felt upset as she had made a point of dropping hints.
But this morning, funnily enough Purple gave me a gift prior to our lunch, I felt bad I did not get her anything... And it was Lindor chocolates.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Divorcees or Supervisors
So a few weeks ago I was set to go the Dentist (insert Jaws theme music), I had let my supervisor know about the appointment on the Friday prior and was discussing it with the other supervisor in our group, as I was (am) having an issue with a tooth. My supervisor came over, and I reminded him of the appointment time.
5 min later I get a scheduled meeting invitation smack in the middle of my appointment time. I was slightly annoyed because they both knew what time my appointment was, and I obviously couldn't make this meeting.
That afternoon my supervisor tells me about what happened, saying that it was really too bad I couldn't be at the meeting (well then don't schedule it when you know I have an appointment that you knew about! <insert annoyed explicative of your choice>) and tells me I will be helping out the other supervisor with creating/maintaining a contact list for a large external meeting (exciting stuff) for a meeting in February and it can wait awhile. I was like ok, sure, no problem.
However when I got the files I needed to create this list, my supervisor tells me that it is not a priority and that I have to continue working on the manual. I just shrugged, as he's the supervisor and no sweat of my back what I'm working on when really.
The girl supervisor (mine is a guy) asks me if I got all the information I needed, and I told her I had and would work on it when I was finished what I had that day. However my supervisor again changed what I was lined up to do next, so the contact list was pushed yet again.
Next thing I know, last Tuesday, the girl supervisor is at my desk, telling me to no longer worry about the contact list, she's going to have to create it. I thought this slightly odd... but said ok, no problem.
She then goes into a rant about how my supervisor had changed my priorities on me and that now she was going to have to do my work to get hers done on time as she has a deadline (first I'd heard of it). She also complained that she didn't know what his issue was, as he offered me to help out and then pulls me from the project and doesn't even tell her. Tells me she isn't mad at me (ok, thanks??), but is really mad at him, and questioning why he's behaving this way... I had no answers for her.
Then on that same Friday my supervisor meets with me over our upcoming work, and tells me that he spoke with the girl supervisor. He was like, I told her awhile ago that he pulled me from the project (not from what she said) and he didn't understand why she was so mad anyway. As he didn't think that it was a big deal if she pushed her deadline a week until my other stuff was done and I could help her. Said for me not to worry because he told her it was his decision and he took the heat on it (um, good??). Then ranted about how she was behaving lately and how he didn't understand what was going on with her.
Obviously neither supervisor knows that the other is talking to me about them... I just shook my head when I got back to my desk as it felt like I was a kid stuck in a tug of war with two divorced parents, instead of an employee at work.
All this drama over something that would maybe take an hour of my time.
5 min later I get a scheduled meeting invitation smack in the middle of my appointment time. I was slightly annoyed because they both knew what time my appointment was, and I obviously couldn't make this meeting.
That afternoon my supervisor tells me about what happened, saying that it was really too bad I couldn't be at the meeting (well then don't schedule it when you know I have an appointment that you knew about! <insert annoyed explicative of your choice>) and tells me I will be helping out the other supervisor with creating/maintaining a contact list for a large external meeting (exciting stuff) for a meeting in February and it can wait awhile. I was like ok, sure, no problem.
However when I got the files I needed to create this list, my supervisor tells me that it is not a priority and that I have to continue working on the manual. I just shrugged, as he's the supervisor and no sweat of my back what I'm working on when really.
The girl supervisor (mine is a guy) asks me if I got all the information I needed, and I told her I had and would work on it when I was finished what I had that day. However my supervisor again changed what I was lined up to do next, so the contact list was pushed yet again.
Next thing I know, last Tuesday, the girl supervisor is at my desk, telling me to no longer worry about the contact list, she's going to have to create it. I thought this slightly odd... but said ok, no problem.
She then goes into a rant about how my supervisor had changed my priorities on me and that now she was going to have to do my work to get hers done on time as she has a deadline (first I'd heard of it). She also complained that she didn't know what his issue was, as he offered me to help out and then pulls me from the project and doesn't even tell her. Tells me she isn't mad at me (ok, thanks??), but is really mad at him, and questioning why he's behaving this way... I had no answers for her.
Then on that same Friday my supervisor meets with me over our upcoming work, and tells me that he spoke with the girl supervisor. He was like, I told her awhile ago that he pulled me from the project (not from what she said) and he didn't understand why she was so mad anyway. As he didn't think that it was a big deal if she pushed her deadline a week until my other stuff was done and I could help her. Said for me not to worry because he told her it was his decision and he took the heat on it (um, good??). Then ranted about how she was behaving lately and how he didn't understand what was going on with her.
Obviously neither supervisor knows that the other is talking to me about them... I just shook my head when I got back to my desk as it felt like I was a kid stuck in a tug of war with two divorced parents, instead of an employee at work.
All this drama over something that would maybe take an hour of my time.
Monday, November 28, 2011
The Return
I've been offline in regards to blogging for a number of weeks now. It's not that I haven't had blog-worthy news, in fact look for Wrong Number, Divorcees or Supervisors, Me Vs the Dentist (take 3) to be arriving soon.
Fact of the matter is by the time I actually remember to blog, it's bedtime and I'm too tired to log in, trying to organize my thoughts in the typical sarcastic humour in which I deal with most things in life (I like to think I channel Statler and Waldorf on my good days).
So tomorrow night I will be making an effort to actually sit down, ignore Facebook, Twitter, Skype, MSN and Sims 3 in an effort to actually get some words down in the world of BlogSpot, so that some insomniac who is wistfully wishing for images of baa sheep leaping over fences, can have something to stave of complete boredom.
On a cool note my iPhone read the tomorrow night as a possible event and asked if I wanted to creat an event.
Fact of the matter is by the time I actually remember to blog, it's bedtime and I'm too tired to log in, trying to organize my thoughts in the typical sarcastic humour in which I deal with most things in life (I like to think I channel Statler and Waldorf on my good days).
So tomorrow night I will be making an effort to actually sit down, ignore Facebook, Twitter, Skype, MSN and Sims 3 in an effort to actually get some words down in the world of BlogSpot, so that some insomniac who is wistfully wishing for images of baa sheep leaping over fences, can have something to stave of complete boredom.
On a cool note my iPhone read the tomorrow night as a possible event and asked if I wanted to creat an event.
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