Sunday, April 17, 2011

And you're counselling us?

Awhile ago at my work we lost a co-worker suddenly. It was upsetting for a lot of people and we had a grief counselor brought in to help people.

However I was new to the workplace and had only met the person a handful of times when this occurred, so I spent my time just helping out everyone else.

The counselor however seemed to have zoned in on me in particular because I had sat very close to that person. She decided that I was in need of counseling even though I had not sought her out.  She stopped me in the hall one day to see how I was doing, she actually ended up having me pinned against a wall.

She seemed disappointed when I told her I actually hadn't really known the person, so she probed to see if there was anything else I wanted to talk about. I had a tendency to speak frankly and had mentioned I was separated from my now ex at the time. . . little did I know what this was about to unleash!

The counselor then begins to tell me about her divorce.  Apparently it happened while her girls were in their 20s and she was completely caught off guard. She was so bitter about it, she talked to anyone and everyone who would listen to her rant about her ex.

She use to talk to her girls about him all the time, about what he did to her by leaving, how angry she was. So much so her girls finally had to tell her that she could no longer talk to them about their Dad. (Which btw I think kudos on them for saying so!). That it took her years to deal with the bitterness and to get over him. And it was after her girls talking to her that she decided to seek counseling herself and became interested in it.

Meanwhile I'm frantically looking up and down our hallway hoping someone, anyone will walk by to rescue me from this tirade. Of course, this day would be the one day in a million that no one was to walk by in the 20 min she held me hostage.

She concluded her rant on her ex by saying it had taken her a long time to come to terms with it and divorce is never easy. I ended up having to hug this lady as she was almost to tears at the end of her spiel. - I didn't stray far from my desk again while she was in the building. (I still got a pop in from her on her last day to say goodbye, thanks for the talk and best of luck in my divorce).

- Problem #1, I was not getting paid to counsel someone.

- Problem #2, Don't start counseling someone who hasn't asked for it. 

- Problem #3, If you are still so upset over something that happened 15 years prior, maybe you should still be in counseling!

- Problem #4, If you are counseling other people maybe don't mention how badly you handled yourself, doesn't really promote confidence.

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